Yitz Grossman Humor

The ‘First Jewish President’

The year is 2016 and the United States has elected a woman, Susan Goldfarb, as the first Jewish president.

She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, ‘So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?’

‘I don’t think so. It’s a ten hour drive, your father isn’t as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.’

‘Don’t worry about it Mom, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.’

‘I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?’

‘Oh Mom,’ replies Susan, ‘I’ll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York .’

‘Honey,’ Mom complains, ‘you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.’

The President-elect responds, ‘Don’t worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.’

So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States.

In the front row sits the new President’s mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her.

‘You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States??’

The Senator whispers back, ‘Yes I do.’

Mom says proudly, ‘Her brother is a doctor.’

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies, “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”